Charlie's Thoughts

First and foremost, there's a new picture on the photoblog. A nice portrait shot of one of the VQ cuties.

Moving on, I have created my first theorem of my college career. Through it, Croom's constant is derived. Of course theorems don't make constants, but it sounded cool. This constant promises to revolutionize the way we view modern society and architecture for generations to come. Interested? Good...Read on...

Follow up:

For many years now, there has been a fundamental problem plaguing building designers. One ratio that is never quite right, and causes extreme discomfort for patrons. Croom's constant promises to help alleviate this tense urge quickly. From empirical observation and observation alone I'd estimate that Croom's constant is somewhere between two and four depending on conditions. More research is required to determine the exact number, however this estimate should suffice. This ratio provides the basis for all customer based building designs, also known as the appropriate ratio of female to male bathroom stalls.

As a man I have had the pleasure of snickering at numerous females each time I seek relief from my 42 oz. fountain drink during Intermission or at Halftime of events. I do occasionally have to wait for up to a minute, however this minor annoyance is vanquished when I get to snicker at the same females on my way back out.

Some might argue that guys can utilize those horse troughs to pee in, especially at trashy football stadiums. They would be right. They also might argue that therefore more males can relieve themselves per sq. foot than comparable females. They would also be right. So why not make the freaking female bathrooms bigger. Maybe, oh I don't know....Croom's constant time bigger.

When I say Croom's constant is not quite exact, that is because of the grossimus postulate, which states that females spend an exorbitant amount of time padding the toilet seats with toilet paper. The exact number who do this vs. hover is still unknown. More research is still required and as yet I require more funding to pay my bail for repeatedly sneaking into woman's bathrooms. No great science was ever easy though.

I believe that by utilizing Croom's Constant in future developments we can improve both the happiness and equality of modern society. By simply enlarging bathrooms, there would be no need for confusing non-symmetric bathroom layouts. How am I supposed to know which single floor in the whole freaking building has the male bathroom.

The benefits of using Croom's constant are far reaching. For instance, you know that lady that always climbs all the way back to the middle of the theater after intermission? Yeah the one everyone gives angry glares, that's her. Well she was stuck in line for the bathroom for 20-minutes. After the show numerous people will discuss the show and think, man what a great show, but that lady climbing over me during the climax ruined the whole experience. This will upset numerous people. On the way home suppose only one of those angry people runs another car off the road because they developed road rage from this play ruinin experience. Suppose also that the car which is run off the road crashes into a bed off spikes or head ons some type of horizontal pole which proceeds to decapitate the driver. That's right, Croom's Constant can save lives.

In any case, Croom's constant will prove to be one of the most influential developments of the 21st century...right next to common sense and the idea of not putting the urinals next to the door. Perhaps I will drop out of Yale and become a professional bathroom architect. Anyways, feel free to nominate me for the Nobel Prize in bathroom design. By the way this whole site is copyright, so don't go trying to beat me to a patent...or do people even patent constants...hmm.

Anyways, that's Croom's constant. Tell a friend. Get the word out. Start a revolution. Demand better treatment! VIVA LE SANITAIRE!